Let me introduce you to my husband. Chuck is a student pastor at our church. He was raised in a Christian home where his dad Bill was in full time ministry. Chuck has himself been in the ministry now 19 years and counting. Chuck started following Jesus as a child. Chuck memorizes scripture and weekly teaches the next generation the truths of God's word. He prays. He is an amazing husband and father. He helps around the house! He prays over and for our children. He prays over me every day before he goes to work. He spiritually leads our family. He has safeguards in place to pursue purity in his mind. He practices integrity of character. Pretty awesome, huh!? I am truly a very blessed person to call him my husband. I never want to get over the fact that God blessed me with him.
Now it's my turn. My name is Amy. I too was raised in a Christian family. My dad was a pastor most of my upbringing and still currently a pastor of a church. I began to follow Jesus as a child. I have been on mission trips around the world serving Jesus "to the least of these". I went a year to a Christian college. I have Christian friends. I have been to bible studies. I lead a group of 9th grade girls every Sunday. I LOVE praise music and sing it loudly in my car. I pray and read God's word. I have a heart for orphans and widows. I can't stand injustice and will be loud with justice. I love Jesus. I sound like I have it "all together" don't I?? Oh...I forgot to tell you. I'm also a counselor. I've gone to years of school to help people navigate through very serious and painful experiences.
I write these things about Chuck and I, not to make us look awesome, but to set ourselves up to be de-throned. In the church world..and maybe in the non-church world, people might assume we are above sin and brokenness because of our Christian heritage or position in the church. That somehow we were chosen by God to work in the church because we are better than others. That we are perfect. These are all false belief systems and lies. They do not at all align with the biblical figures we are given in scripture of ordinary people God chose for His purposes. Many of them were JACKED UP people that did JACKED UP things when left to their own sinful selves. Moses killed an Egyptian. Abraham slept with his wife's maidservant in order to have a child that wasn't coming quick enough. Jacob stole his brothers birthright. David slept with Bathsheba then killed her husband Uriah to cover up his sin. Saul killed Christians. Jonah was a runaway. Peter denied Jesus 3 times when he SWORE he would never think of such a thing. Shall I go on? And these guys were the ordinary people that, through God, became extraordinary pillars of our faith. They are our patriarchs. They were kings, disciples, and leaders of the early church. God has a history of using the unlikely. The underdog. The "jacked up" if you will.
Jacked-up and de-throned
So...all of this to say, Chuck and I are not perfect. NOT EVEN CLOSE!! We sin daily just like the rest. We daily fall short of the glory of God and are in need of a savior from this reality. We are "jacked up"! Our Christian pedigree doesn't protect us from the hard truths of this world. We are ALWAYS in danger of falling from grace! We both have imperfect family-of-origins. We both had parents who were sinners. Our grandparents were sinners too. We have had people hurt us. Speak against us. Misunderstand us. We have succeeded and failed at things. We have hurt others and spoken things we shouldn't have. We have wounds from our past and present. We made decisions that we wish we wouldn't have and decisions we are very proud of. We have struggled with pride and fought for humility. We have hurt each other. We have been tired and became selfish by not serving each other. We have argued to make our point and win as opposed to listening to each other. We fail as parents often. We are real people with imperfect lives. We did not make it 32 and 38 years of life unscathed. We have "issues". There are lies that we believe that we have to take captive and reject. We have insecurities. I could go on and on in this confessional booth. Are we de-throned in your mind yet? I hope so because I want you to stay with me for my next confession.
Chuck and Amy are in counseling.
A student pastor and a counselor have a counselor! We go once a month every month to a counselor that pours into our marriage. He is a biblical Christian counselor that has dedicated his life to understanding God's word and how to recognize things that hold people captive. He seeks to do the work of Jesus by setting people free as he points back to God's word in practical ways. He is a truth speaker. We need this kind of guy in our corner! Why? Because we understand that our marriage relationship is VERY important. The most important relationship we have on this planet. Our relationship to God comes first, then our relationship with each other. I don't know about you, but I was NOT born knowing how to do this marriage thing. It is HARD!! It does not come natural! (when you are trying to do it biblically). The standard God has set for us in this relationship is ONLY doable with the power of the Holy Spirit. It is a supernatural union. If we do it right it speaks the gospel to this lost world.
So let me level with you here. In America...most of us have a primary care physician and dentist picked out and ready in the wings if we need them. If our baby gets sick in the middle of the night we have that PCP on speed dial ready to get some wisdom to nurse them back to health. Not sure anyone likes going to the dentist, but they usually send us those "friendly" reminders that it is time for our 6 month cleaning and check-up. We reluctantly go because we know it is ultimately good for us. Listen... this applies to the profession of counseling as well. If we reluctantly go to our dentist 2 times a year to have good dental hygiene...then shouldn't we at LEAST put that much effort into pouring in our marriage relationship? Shouldn't we invest at least that much energy into going to counseling individually to make sure we are addressing our "jacked-up-ness"? It is smart. The bible calls it WISE.
"A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might,
for by WISE GUIDANCE (direction, counsel, guidance, good advice, wise counsel) you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is VICTORY (deliverance or salvation). Wisdom is too high for a fool; in the gate he does not open his mouth." Proverbs 24:5-7
I WANT VICTORY! I don't want to live in defeat! I want this kind of counsel in my monthly routine! We must put on the armor of God every day because we are in a battle. Last post challenged us on recognizing how our enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy in very practical ways. We can also battle these forces in very practical ways. Have a counselor that you meet with periodically for enrichment in your life. Have that person on speed dial so if a crisis comes your way and your soul is rocked to the core you have "a person" that you can talk to about ANYTHING. A counselor will hold that information in 100% confidence and is led by the Holy Spirit to instruct and speak wisdom into your life. They are there to battle lies with you.
When we go to see our counselor I imagine us going into a meeting place to put on more armor for the battle. If there is something in our marriage that exists for our harm...we will attack it and change our ways. If there are things we can add to our weekly routine to keep us connected in the spiritual realm then we are going to add it. We are engaging in the battle. We are not going to just let things go. We are going to work through them and become stronger because of it. Satan works very hard at destroying marriages. He's getting REALLY good at it. The national statistics right now are almost at 50% divorce rate. In other words, half of us make it and half of us don't. Christians ARE NOT exempt from this statistic sadly. Our reality is the same. So are we going to allow Satan to continue reeking havoc on our families and to destroy the very structure of the family unit that God ordained for our protection and learning about Him? I challenge you to chew on this.
This process of thinking makes perfect sense to me. I understand that it doesn't feel as simple when you first take the plunge into the counseling world. So let's go there for a second.
Counseling. The word elicits many emotions and thoughts. Most very unfavorable. This is what I hear most:
"if you go to counseling, then something has to be really wrong with you"
"the people who go to counseling are the crazy weird, weak, and/or bad"
"you don't need a counselor if you just talk to your friends about your problems"
"you only go to a counselor when things are REALLY bad"
"you are less of a Christian if you have to go to counseling. Just read your bible and pray"
So with these belief systems surrounding the option of counseling, it is no wonder that even less favorable feelings exist.
Fear of exposure
Fear of vulnerability
Fear of my true colors being seen
Fear of change
Fear of the truth
Fear of reputation being tarnished
Fear of sin exposure
Fear of emotions
Fear of tears
Fear of rejection
Fear of abandonment
Fear of shame/embarrassment
Fear of .....
Lots of fear surrounding the option of counseling in our lives. I feel like Jesus would interrupt this train of thought and say, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear (fearfulness, cowardice) and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 He would remind us that fear does not come from Him. We are to fear the Lord out of respect and awe of His holiness, but to fear the things of this world proves our security comes from ourselves and not the Lord. Fear paralyzes us. Keeps us from boldly pursing a life of freedom found only in Jesus. Remember...Jesus wants us to be free...Satan wants us in chains of fear. Let me be so bold as to say Satan has influenced our American belief systems that counseling is bad or for weirdos. Why would he do that? I think you can answer that question for yourselves.
The idea of counseling is all throughout scripture. A word search shows that 80 times the bible uses the word counsel or a closely related word. (counsel 25, counsellor 22, consult 9, give 7, purposed 5, advice 2,determined 2, advise 2, deviseth 2, taken 2, misc 2)
My favorite verse from the search is this one:
Here is a picture of the 3 our marriage affects the most.
Here's Chuck and I together. We have been married 7 years now. We have had really good years and really hard years. We are committed to our marriage "until death do us part". To keep this commitment we intend to place safeguards, education, relationships, accountability, and counseling at the TOP of our priority list so that we have a fighting chance. Commitment in marriage does not happen by accident. It happens very intentionally.
Find you a Christian counselor near you and invest in yourself. Freedom and healing are at your fingertips. Your loved ones and those you lead will thank you.
